Wonderfully Imperfect

About This Site

i am a woman on the edge -- on the edge of greatness, of mania, and of wonder and amazement, all at the same time.

i am an artist and a corporate refugee, who has struggled and derailed and been really STUCK....and who continually dusts herself off.

here i share my artistic and personal journey, and how i became known as the "princess of getting up again" and the "imp-ress of imperfection."

it's a celebration of continually focusing on "being where i am," and never coming from a place of lack or "not good enough". it's a celebration of being "wonderfully imperfect", and you're invited!

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Twirly Girl

Wednesday, June 14, 2006
Twirly Girl

i am now officially a super-hero!

yes, it’s true

i had shared with friends a while back my thoughts
on our struggles and experiences with our collective dichotomies

we have these views of ourselves, when life goes well
and then these doubts and larger-than-life failings, when things go to hell
or we’re overly tired and over-committed

i call that a dichotomy ‘cause to me,
a dichotomy means being conflicted or having two sides

here is a definition:

DICHOTOMY

Etymology: Greek dichotomia, from dichotomos
1 : a division or the process of dividing into two especially
mutually exclusive or contradictory groups or entities
2 : the phase of the moon or an inferior planet in
which half its disk appears illuminated
3 a : BIFURCATION; especially : repeated bifurcation (as of a plant’s stem)
b : a system of branching in which the main axis forks repeatedly into two branches
c : branching of an ancestral line into two equal, diverging branches
4 : something with seemingly contradictory qualities

i see us all struggling with what we want to be
vs where we THINK we are

MAN, I JUST LOVE THIS:  “the phase of the moon or an inferior
planet in which half its disk appears illuminated"

what hit me, as i dwelled (dwelt?) on this, is that
i can’t always be confident (not often enough)
and feel capable and smart and sexy

but my alter ego can.....
SO, I MUST NEED TO CREATE ONE!

sort of like nancy, the superhero
who is WITTY when i am feeling powerless
who is BOLD when i am exhausted and weepy
who is one sexy kick-ass woman
(BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER AND FAITH, LOOK OUT!!)
when i am feeling old and frumpy and my clothes don’t fit
who holds court with the best of em

and no, my super hero doesn’t scale walls with an AK47

she TWIRLS
TWIRLS..........
what joy you hear in that word!!!

my favorite thought around self growth
is the idea of wanting to live in amazement

and this somehow seems to fit with that,
TWIRLING THROUGH MY LIFE
BEING AMAZED
RENEWING WTH EACH TWIRL
AND GIVING BIRTH TO JOY

(now....off to work on the outfit!!)

Posted by Nancy Vittoria Bello on 06/14 at 03:30 AM
Twirly Girl • (0) Comments • (0) Trackbacks • Permalink
Growing Up Geeky!

FIRST, some background:

i didn’t get to do a lot of girlie things growin up

i was brought up in the era of “natural” beauty:
YEAH, RIGHT.
tell that to someone trying to hide her acne
and feeling invisible behind glasses
(glasses were NOT cool like they are now!)

my efforts in femininity were often criticized by my family

i dont know why--
maybe they just thought it wasn’t important?
good grades were important
but not looks, or clothes or
anything fou fou-y

somehow the more they poo-poohed any value
of looking less geeky
of “fitting in” a bit

the more i wished for it!

no wonder that i cleaned houses
in order to buy my own clothes
mostly salvation army
and bonnie bell lip gloss from the five and dime

somehow i learned to apologize
for wanting anything beyond what i had
or for daring to think about my looks
or my figure
(what little they were)

it was like: don’t bother

i remember my first husband saying to me,
as we decided to join friends for dinner
“now don’t go getting all PRETTY”

like WHAT? don’t put on a clean tshirt and jeans?
jeeeeeeeez
that was still all i really wore at 20---
but i had lots of vintage jewelry,
so maybe he didn’t like that???
man, i never knew
WHAT HE WANTED
and i was so busy worrying bout THAT
that i didn’t hear WHO I WAS

by my mid twenties i was divorced,
living alone
and loving it

combing flea markets for vintage clothes on the weekends
(this was before EBAY)
wearing it out to clubs
and developing “my style”

it amazed me....like i’d entered SOME NEW CLUB
i’d think, there are girls who are USED to this
who grew up EXPECTING to be shopping for dresses
and pretties,
not being told to move along
or made to feel bad about liking clothes and jewelry

i refuse to get rid of my vintage clothes
even tho i can’t fit into all of em anymore!
i love the way they make me feel
just lookin at em makes me smile

i hang them up as art in my studio
they inspire me
they let me dream

one day i’ll give em to a costume museum

but for now
i am drawn to use netting and vintage lace
and tafetta and vintage buttons
in my art

i guess i finally grew into my idea as someone
who could be feminine,
who could be pretty.....
...even if at times it felt like
strange territory
and something that could be SNATCHED AWAY
AT ANY MOMENT!

funny
i never got asked to prom,
i never had a big wedding, just two simple ceremonies
but i own lacy vintage petticoats that i wear as a skirt
in summer
and sometimes i think of walking down the aisle for real,
in a dress like that

my friend shirley
wrote of seeing her daughter
trying on wedding dresses
and TWIRLING

she wrote of having tears in her eyes....
oh me oh my
her little girl, twirling in her gown
and the sun streaming in the window

TIWRLING
SEEMS TO ME
A DECLARATION OF KNOWING

knowing she is beautiful
knowing she is loved
knowing she is special

knowing she is exuding joy and vibrancy
and is a part of the divine.
knowing she is reflecting all those things back
to the rest of her world

i did not learn those things early in life
they were hard won
and sometimes misplaced

but oh how i loved to hear of her twirling!!!!

and oh how it reconnects me with that side of me
that i have somehow lost touch with
or had dismissed,
lost in years of corporate suits
and all that goes with that culture

I WANT TO TWIRL
I’M GONNA TWIRL
SEE ME SMILE

Posted by Nancy Vittoria Bello on 06/14 at 02:51 AM
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