Wonderfully Imperfect

About This Site

i am a woman on the edge -- on the edge of greatness, of mania, and of wonder and amazement, all at the same time.

i am an artist and a corporate refugee, who has struggled and derailed and been really STUCK....and who continually dusts herself off.

here i share my artistic and personal journey, and how i became known as the "princess of getting up again" and the "imp-ress of imperfection"

it's a celebration of continually focusing on "being where i am," and never coming from a place of lack or "not good enough". it's a celebration of being "wonderfully imperfect", and you're invited!

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Growing Up Geeky!

FIRST, some background:

i didn’t get to do a lot of girlie things growin up

i was brought up in the era of “natural” beauty:
YEAH, RIGHT.
tell that to someone trying to hide her acne
and feeling invisible behind glasses
(glasses were NOT cool like they are now!)

my efforts in femininity were often criticized by my family

i dont know why--
maybe they just thought it wasn’t important?
good grades were important
but not looks, or clothes or
anything fou fou-y

somehow the more they poo-poohed any value
of looking less geeky
of “fitting in” a bit

the more i wished for it!

no wonder that i cleaned houses
in order to buy my own clothes
mostly salvation army
and bonnie bell lip gloss from the five and dime

somehow i learned to apologize
for wanting anything beyond what i had
or for daring to think about my looks
or my figure
(what little they were)

it was like: don’t bother

i remember my first husband saying to me,
as we decided to join friends for dinner
“now don’t go getting all PRETTY”

like WHAT? don’t put on a clean tshirt and jeans?
jeeeeeeeez
that was still all i really wore at 20---
but i had lots of vintage jewelry,
so maybe he didn’t like that???
man, i never knew
WHAT HE WANTED
and i was so busy worrying bout THAT
that i didn’t hear WHO I WAS

by my mid twenties i was divorced,
living alone
and loving it

combing flea markets for vintage clothes on the weekends
(this was before EBAY)
wearing it out to clubs
and developing “my style”

it amazed me....like i’d entered SOME NEW CLUB
i’d think, there are girls who are USED to this
who grew up EXPECTING to be shopping for dresses
and pretties,
not being told to move along
or made to feel bad about liking clothes and jewelry

i refuse to get rid of my vintage clothes
even tho i can’t fit into all of em anymore!
i love the way they make me feel
just lookin at em makes me smile

i hang them up as art in my studio
they inspire me
they let me dream

one day i’ll give em to a costume museum

but for now
i am drawn to use netting and vintage lace
and tafetta and vintage buttons
in my art

i guess i finally grew into my idea as someone
who could be feminine,
who could be pretty.....
...even if at times it felt like
strange territory
and something that could be SNATCHED AWAY
AT ANY MOMENT!

funny
i never got asked to prom,
i never had a big wedding, just two simple ceremonies
but i own lacy vintage petticoats that i wear as a skirt
in summer
and sometimes i think of walking down the aisle for real,
in a dress like that

my friend shirley
wrote of seeing her daughter
trying on wedding dresses
and TWIRLING

she wrote of having tears in her eyes....
oh me oh my
her little girl, twirling in her gown
and the sun streaming in the window

TIWRLING
SEEMS TO ME
A DECLARATION OF KNOWING

knowing she is beautiful
knowing she is loved
knowing she is special

knowing she is exuding joy and vibrancy
and is a part of the divine.
knowing she is reflecting all those things back
to the rest of her world

i did not learn those things early in life
they were hard won
and sometimes misplaced

but oh how i loved to hear of her twirling!!!!

and oh how it reconnects me with that side of me
that i have somehow lost touch with
or had dismissed,
lost in years of corporate suits
and all that goes with that culture

I WANT TO TWIRL
I’M GONNA TWIRL
SEE ME SMILE

Posted by Nancy Vittoria Bello on 06/14 at 02:51 AM
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